Underwater Eye Candy

David took a dive trip to the Flower Gardens in the Gulf of Mexico this week. He brought our D300 with it's underwater casing for the first time, and took some pretty amazing photos. Enjoy!

Observiness

That's my new favorite word.

Much to David's dismay, we're watching the Democratic Convention. I've been watching it more for the imagery and symbolism - what they're not saying, what the visuals are trying to convey. Because Obama's campaign has been so brilliant from a branding standpoint - both the messaging and the imagery, I've had pretty high expectations. But until the latter half of tonight (day 2), most of it has been pretty canned. Michele Obama was very poised and appealing, but I enjoy her interviews more than her speeches.

Deval Patrick, however, rocked my world. He was way better than the keynote speaker. And the Hilary retrospective was seriously intense. As a female entrepreneur trying to find entry into what is still a very masculine world, it was moving to see an unapologetic tribute to a woman's strengths and trials. As a consultant it's my job to tailor my message - to use language my clients respond to - and that often means stripping out emotional or feminine language. Hilary, for all her faults, is unapologetic for her femininity, and I find that very inspiring. Her speech was pretty powerful, barring a few silly one-liners.

--------------

Now that the whole thing is over, a few more observations. The final night was a serious spectacle. That was more what I expected from Obama. Heavy on the symbolism, rock concert intensity. Add to that an acceptance speech that was probably the most literate I've heard in my lifetime.

The first couple days were patchy, and had that 1980s Academy Awards look to them. But Bill Clinton and Joe Biden were pretty fiery, and Obama's walk on got everyone amped for the finale.

The last night was this crazy epic spectacle. Much more what I would expect of the candidate with the most badass political candidate website ever. Massively theatrical. I thought Obama's speech was pretty amazing. I really hope he wins the election, especially in light of McCain's ultra-conservative VP pick.

Food Porn

David and I went to Hudson's on the Bend for dinner tonight. Highlights:

• Amuse-Bouche: coconut fried shrimp in a lime-coconut shooter
• Appetizer: smoked duck breast, jicama, jalapeno, figs wrapped in bacon with red chili glaze dipping sauce
• Entree: american bison stuffed with spicy venison sausage on a 3 bean ragout with chipotle bbq sauce

O. M. G. That was some good food.

Saraphina Nancy Oster

My new niece made her grand entrance yesterday. She was expected to be early and small, but instead she was two days late, over 20 inches long and over 7lbs! The new family is doing well and looking forward to coming home. I can't wait to meet her!

1001 Uses for Squash

We're drowning in squash. A few months ago we decided to get a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) subscription. What this means is once I week I go pick up a big box of fresh veggies, and some fresh eggs. This has created all sorts of interesting culinary challenges. Mostly, how do two people eat several pounds of vegetables in one week? Here are our main survival tactics:

• Share it- there actually is a limit to the amount of arugula, kale, and okra (there's a very low limit for okra) that we can eat, so we spread the wealth.
• Pork and Cheese - everything can be cooked with some form of pork (bacon, prosciutto, ham) and cheese (feta, parmesan, cheddar).
• Stuff it - it turns out several food types can be adapted to different veggie and herb combinations. We've done crepes, fritatta, pasta, quiche...

This month's challenge is summer squash. Yellow, crookneck, pattypan, and zucchini are overflowing in the fridge, and I've had to find all sorts of interesting ways to use it. Turns out zucchini can be used in chocolate cake, for reals. Turns out it really sucks in chocolate chip cookies. I found some creative ways to use it in other stuff too. For example, if you grate it really fine, and press out most of the water, you can use it in pancakes! Seriously, it's really good. I also grate it coarser and put it in potato pancakes - using about half potatoes and half zuccini (squeezed out in cheese cloth), combined with chopped onion, fresh sage, a couple eggs and some flour. Then I pan fry it until golden and serve with low fat sour cream and smoked salmon. Yummy! Here are a few of my other favorite recipes so far:

Sauteed Baby Squash with Basil and Feta
Shrimp and Squash Penne
Chocolate Zucchini Cake

Stay tuned, next month we'll be swimming in sweet potatoes!

100 Things

I keep seeing these "100 Things" lists on people's blogs. I could pretend that I don't like to talk about myself and am too modest to try to come up with one, but that would just be silly. So here goes:

1. My first name is Heather.
2. I tested out of high school when I was 15 and went to community college for a year before starting at SF Conservatory of Music where I got 2 degrees.
3. I hate pineapple.
4. I don't like to cook anything that takes more than an hour of prep.
5. I make a mean crepe.
6. I scored 158 on the LSAT.
7. I take reasonably good macro photography with a Nikon D300.
8. I suck at math.
9. Some days I'm an INFJ, some days I'm an ENFJ.
10. In college I sang a master class with Thomas Hampson, and he made me take my shoes off.
11. I have two masters degrees (so far).
12. I auditioned a role in the movie Dangerous Liaisons when I was 15. I didn't get it, Uma Thurman did.
    
13. I loved junior high and hated high school.
14. I love corgis and terriers, but I hate poodles and cocker spaniels.
15. I think Brain Candy and Zoolander are works of genius.
16. I've watched the five hour mini-series version of Pride and Prejudice in one sitting at least five times.
17. I love Jane Austin adaptations. That includes Clueless. And the Bollywood one.
    
18. I read books multiple times until they fall apart, and then I get new copies and read them some more.
19. I'm scared of cockroaches.
20. When I was a kid I played classical harp.
21. I don't swim very well.
22. I had a sadistic choir director in high school who told me I was a terrible dancer.
    
23. I'm actually a pretty good dancer. Not great, but good.
24. I take belly dance classes and perform fairly regularly.
    
25. Both my pinkie fingers are crooked.
26. I have persistent asthma. It used to flare up when I exercised, now it only gets bad if I have a bad cold or bronchitis. Yay regular exercise and modern medicine!
27. I used to be an opera singer.
28. I still want to sing a lead in one more Mozart opera someday.
29. I almost flunked math in high school because I was in the chorus of The King and I in local theater and I wasn't getting any sleep.
30. My husband says I snore, but I don't believe him.
31. I'm not sure if I want to have children.
32. I did children's theater in elementary school and got all the short roles, including a munchkin and a hobbit.
33. I've been in six musicals, six operas, and three operettas.
34. I speak basic German, and rudimentary French and Italian.
35. My hair is actually dishwater blond.
36. I am allergic to cats.
37. I had a TABC license for a while (so I could bartend, which I only did once).
38. I'm the third (possibly fourth) generation of my family to elope.
39. I used to read tarot cards, sometimes for money.
40. I am so not psychic.
41. I used to think Phantom of the Opera was the best musical ever written. I was wrong.
42. I never thought I would end up settling in Texas.
43. I don't really miss California, though I do miss my friends and family there sometimes.
44. I have two black and white Terrier mixes named Loki and Persephone.
45. I love comparative religion and mythology.
46. I've watched every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel several times, and can identify which episode and which season many random quotes come from. Scary.
47. I want to get a PhD in Psychology and Mythology.
48. I want to get a law degree.
49. I have bad dreams pretty frequently.
50. I used to love Victorian architecture and hate mid-century modern and later design, now it's mostly the other way around.
51. I read fiction incredibly fast, but am much slower with non-fiction. Imagine my dismay when I found this out after starting grad school.
52. I am addicted to Flickr.
53. I love Homestar Runner and Making Fiends. And I have the tee-shirts to prove it.
54. I am largely over my life-long Hello Kitty fixation.
55. I can order a few kinds of dim sum in really bad Chinese.
56. The worst airport I have every been in was in Tel Aviv. I was three hours early and almost missed my flight.
57. The farthest away I have ever traveled was Israel. Hawaii seems pretty far too, now that I live in Texas.
58. I got married in Hawaii.
59. I lived in Santa Barbara for 17 years, San Francisco for 7 years, Baltimore for 2 years, and Austin for 11.
60. I lived in Austin from 1996-1999, and then moved back in 2001 right be fore 9/11.
61. I find psychology fascinating and have read many books on it. I considered getting a social work or counseling degree before I decided on my most recent one.
62. My birthday is two days before Christmas. This worked to my advantage when I was a kid, and totally sucks now.
    
63. I belonged to a synagogue in Baltimore and was employed as a soloist at a Lutheran church at the same time. So that year I observed Passover while singing Holy Week services. They were more alike than you would imagine, and more different than they should have been.
64. I grew up knowing how to swear in Yiddish but not knowing anything about Judaism (my grandmother was Jewish but was raised protestant). I learned how to make latkes from my grandmother, and everything else I thought I knew about my heritage was from Fiddler on the Roof.
    
65. I refuse to roller skate, ice skate, or ski.
66. I've been to Israel, Belize, Honduras, France, Germany, Italy, Holland, England, Belgium, Switzerland, Wales, Scotland, and Canada.
    
67. I can quote large portions of Monty Python sketches.
68. I am a nerd of epic proportions.
69. I can also be quite redundant.
70. I own all of Frank Baum's Oz books, and a bunch of his way lesser known children's books.
71. I love elephants and collect SMALL amounts of elephant things. I consider the elephant my totem animal.
    
72. I feel a strong calling to help people understand themselves and others better and nurture compassion.
73. I can hand-code old school HTML.
74. I love yoga, and I wish I did it more often.
75. I'm a Capricorn with my moon in Pisces and Gemini rising. That means that I'm logical and stubborn on the surface, but introverted and mystical and intuitive underneath, and sometimes gregarious and changeable. Seems a little broad, doesn't it?
76. I used to write a food column for my former company's newsletter. People would email me to ask where to take their SO for special occasions. It was fun.
77. New Orleans has my favorite food in the world. I almost moved there before I decided to come back to Austin.
    
78. I seem to have gotten somewhat used to the Texas heat. When I was a kid I couldn't stand it when it got over 75 degrees.
79. I still hate the cockroaches, though.
80. Starting a business is one of the scariest and most fun things I've ever done.
81. I read Perez Hilton.
82. I hate misuse of punctuation, including but not limited to multiple exclamation and/or questions marks, incorrect use of apostrophes, and incorrect use of quotation marks.
83. My chocolate chip oatmeal pecan cookies are possibly the best in the world.
84. I have three tattoos: a lotus on my lower back, a hand of fatima on my right shoulder blade, and a scarab with a band on my left upper arm.
85. I am addicted to makeup and skin care products. I shudder to think how much I spend at Sephora in a year.
86. I've had consistent insomnia for several years in a row.
87. I love coffee. Maybe there's a connection there.
88. I'm addicted to positive-message makeover shows like What Not to Wear, How to Look Good Naked, Clean House, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and Dress My Nest. Yes, I know they're cheeze. No, I don't care.
89. I hate ugly reality TV, the stuff that encourages people to act out of self-interest and against their values.
    
90. The movie Idiocracy scared the shit out of me. See above.
91. I'm a liberal capitalist.
92. I once meditated for two days straight. (weekend workshop, there was sleep involved) I mostly felt a lot of back pain and extreme grumpiness. It was still a good experience.
93. I love blue dishes, purple clothes, burgundy lipstick, and my husband's brown eyes.
94. It makes me very angry that gay people can't marry in most states.
95. It makes me happy that it is finally changing.
96. I want to write a bestselling book on relationship dynamics in the professional world.
97. I want to go on Oprah to talk about my book.
98. I liked being single. I like being married way better.
99. I've indulged in an illegal drug exactly once. I don't like alcohol all that much either.
100. I know karate. (okay, I took karate for a couple of years in my early teens, but I still know how to break an arm or leg, given controlled circumstances)
     

Silly Toon

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

Now I have a crush on Doogie Howser, and it's all Joss Whedon's Fault

Back in Pink

I traveled to Santa Barbara two weeks ago for my grandmother's memorial. And then I went again last weekend for the funeral of a close friend's mother. That makes eight flights in 1.5 weeks (counting the connecting ones). I am so tired of flying that David and I have decided to road trip for our annual vacation this year. Many photo opportunities...

I dislike American Airlines because they treat you like an annoying inconvenience. There's got to be something in the corporate culture that encourages the flight crew to behave with total indifference towards the passengers. But it turns out Delta and USAir are worse. Stinky, hot planes (and mostly grumpy employees). It might be cold on AA, but at least it's clean and usually competent. I'm just fed up with flying in general. AA charged me for checking a tiny suitcase both ways on my second trip. And here's the thing -- we're a captive audience. They can cut services, raise prices, whatever, as long as the market will bear it. And because we have no other choice for long distance travel, we'll bear a lot. The only thing that would really get people to stop flying would be major safety issues. So we put up with the bumped flights and the lack of food and the hidden charges and myriad more discomforts, because it only takes half a day to get to the other side of the country.

All that being said, there were some nice things about the two trips. I got to eat several meals prepared by Chef Shaun, my genius foodie brother, and assorted pastries cooked by my mother the baker. This also gave me the opportunity to work on my food photography:

This is mixed greens with a lychee ginger dressing, with cucumber wrapped summer roll containing tuna sashimi, tempura plantain and shitake mushrooms, and lettuce. Garnished with edible flower confetti.

Prime rib (expertly cooked by my dad), celery root white truffle mash garnished with a roasted baby potato stuffed with garlic clove, horseradish mustard green beans and butter-brown sugar carrots.

Miss Maxine works on a biscotto.

This is Shaun rolling a home made waffle cone which we ate with homemade vanilla bean ice cream that had bits of my mom's chipotle brownies mixed in.

Which is best enjoyed with one of Shaun's killer cappuccinos.

Getting Shaun out of bed early enough to make a cappuccino to enjoy with one of my mom's legendary sticky buns, not as easy.

Hungry yet?

The first weekend I was there David came with me and we went for a walk on my favorite beach and got some cool snaps:

Flowers growing out of the beach cliffs.

There are about a million more pictures on my flickr page. So now I'm in recovery from all that traveling, food, and photography. Which includes, in my case, a nasty cold, just when I'd rather be exercising about four hours a day to atone (re: not grow out of my jeans) for all the great food I ate.

Hope everyone is having a safe and fun long weekend! I'm going back to sleep.

Sadness

There has been just too much loss in and around my life recently, even more so for some of the people who I love. Death is part of life, but it is so hard to understand or make sense of.

My first year at the Conservatory my voice teacher died of breast cancer. Someone gave me this poem, and I've always come back to it when there has been loss in my life.

This poem encapsulates for me the jarring sense of emptiness and wrongess that I feel when someone I love is no longer physically in the world. We eventually make the transition from physical presence to energetic or memory presence, but it's often traumatic and painful, and there's no roadmap for any of us.

Dirge Without Music
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, --- but the best is lost.

The answers quick & keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They have gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

I hope that those that have left us are free and joyful. I hope they know how much we love them. And I wish, like the poet says, for one brief moment of having them physically near us again, although I know it's just not part of the deal.

Eye Candy

I've been shirking my photography duties. Went out this morning early to Zilker Botanical Gardens and got some good shots. Hope you like!

Backyard miniature wildlife:
And the obligatory dog photo:

The silly side of self-knowledge

Ever seen a tag cloud? It's a cluster of keywords that's visually grouped so that the most used words are larger and darker, and the least are smaller and lighter. Interesting way to get a visual snapshot of what people are interested in on a given site.

You can create a tag cloud of your own web pages at www.tagcrowd.com. Check mine out:

Hmmm, what does this say about me? I think it says I really like the word "really" really a lot, really. And chocolate. And people! Some interesting clusters of words turn into strangely alliterative phrases as well, like "interested labels learned less life" and "conversation cookies". Try it out for yourself and see what shows up.

Grammar-Related Health Issues

I know that I do not always spell perfectly. I know that I really don't have a high horse on which to stand. But I can't help it, crazy bad use of punctuation, really crappy grammar, and lame spelling makes me nuts.

I used to be especially fixated on misuse of punctuation marks. It's rampant in Texas, but it happens everywhere, including our hotel in Belize:


What? Why emphasize "book activities" (<--see, right there it's correct because I'm quoting, see?) This makes my brain hurt. My favorite of all time was Rosie's Tamales on Oltorf St. in Austin. They had a big sign (for a couple of years) that said "NOW" Open. Even thinking about it gives me a headache. My latest obsession is apostrophes. People use them so artistically! For emphasis, just cause it looks cool, for anything except what they're intended for which is:

1. To indicate the possessive:
   This is Shaun's tea towel. (The tea towel belongs to Shaun)
2. To create a contraction:
   That's my tea towel. (That is my tea towel)

There is a tricky rule about using "it's" that I often screw up. You must not the apostrophe for the possessive, but you do it for the contraction: "It's a brand new day" (It is a brand new day).

So I know, lots of room to screw up, and as my editors (hi, Mom!) can tell you, I don't always get it right either. But I'm not talking about your run of the mill its/it's screw ups. It's the artistic license with which people use those little marks that really grinds me down. My favorite local taco joint recently revamped their website, and while it was much improved, there were frequent references to "chili's" on the menu. So I sent them an email:

Your new website is very nice, but you need to fix a spelling error on your menu. "chilies" (also can be spelled chiles or chilis) is plural, not possessive, so it's incorrect to use an apostrophe ("chili's" would mean "that which belongs to chili").
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/chilies

Love,
Your-friendly-neighborhood-know-it-all-who-loves-your-tacos

They didn't respond.
I fear that I'm fighting a losing battle here. But I have run across a couple of sympathetic people on the web:

• The Apostrophe Protection Society
  A website by a nice elderly British gent dedicated to saving society from apostrophe deterioration. Also really helpful with the whole its/it's and you're/your thing.
  
• Passive-Agressive Notes
  Brilliant blog documenting obnoxious notes people leave around. Tagged for your convenience with stuff including "CAPS LOCK" and "you call that punctuation?"
• The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks
  

I am so glad that there are other people out there like me. Let me know if you have any grammatical pet peeves, and feel free to correct mine.

Rather a lot of updates

I've been neglecting my blog lately, mostly because I don't know where to start. Life has been, well, crazy.

My Nana (paternal grandmother) passed away a couple of weeks ago, and that has been really hard. She was a really important part of my childhood and early adulthood. She suffered from dementia in her final several years, and was at a rest home in Santa Barbara near my parents and one of my aunts. I didn't spend very much time with her over the last few years, and when I did it was hard to relate her to the woman I knew during most of my life. So I have regrets, and sadness, and the usual anger and confusion and stress that comes with grieving. I like to think that her always free spirit is really free now and that she's in a joyful place.

It's impossible to encapsulate the things that she shared with me, and I'm not ready to go public with all those memories. I'm finding it strange to be grieving again at the same time of year last year I was grieving my dog Simon. Then last night I found out a friend from my early days in Austin passed away unexpectedly a year ago. She was 50. Her name was Breeze, and she taught me how to read tarot cards when I first moved back to Austin in 2001. She was quite a mystic, so I hope she's enjoying the next part of her journey.

Meanwhile, on the career front things are coming together. My company, DiamondMind Consulting is going to be officially incorporated in the next couple of weeks. We're making connections in the community and working on a case study. I'm also writing articles and developing presentations and workshops. I'm starting to get the hang of this entrepreneur/consultant thing:

1. Try Stuff
2. Make Mistakes
3. Try More Stuff.
   

Maybe I can expand that into a workshop...

Most of my ethics/business/OD blogging is going to be moving to my company blog. Please do check it out if you're interested in that sort of thing. My partners will be contributing their considerable wisdom as well.

Also on the happy front, David and I celebrate our Halfiversary on Monday. Six months of matrimony, and we haven't killed each other yet. And I think I've managed to actually send all my thank you letters for wedding presents. Please let me know if I missed you...

I'm going to try to be a better updater. Stay posted for more dog and food pictures.

We're Famous!

http://www.luvmutt.com/blog/2008/05/loki-the-terrie.html

Desperately Seeking Solace, or What I learned from Buddhism

This is a long rambley entry, so bear with me (or skip it.)

There is a lot to be learned from Buddhism, and it would be impossible absorb it all in one lifetime. Since I've moved away from the secularized version that is often practiced in America, and more towards Vedic, or Yogic traditions that form the foundations of both Buddhism and Hinduism, I've thought a lot about what didn't serve me when I was practicing in the Shambala tradition. Namely, what I saw as a nihilistic need to regard a mystical experience of God as a crutch, and some ethical problems stemming from guru worship.

Recently I've started to realize how much I have integrated into my world and self-view, and how it has helped prepare me for this next phase of my own spiritual journey. At the same time, I've begun to observe a pattern among my friends and peers in the 35-45 age range, and my Buddhist studies have helped me frame them.

Things change. I can't ignore it anymore. What's more, I'm old enough that things are starting to fall down faster than I can build them up. I may build a successful company, and I may write books. I may start a family. But I can't not get sick, I can't not age and die, and I can't keep those I love from experiencing the same things. I couldn't keep Simon from dying, and though the death of a dog may not seem that big on a universal scale, it shook my foundations. If Simon could leave, so could everything else.

Yes, everything is impermanent, and no, just trying to get used to that idea is not enough to make it tolerable. Not for me, anyway. So ultimately, I needed more than Buddhism (or at least the version I was studying) had to offer. I suspect that a lot of people my age are struggling with this transition, from the attaining/building/growing phase of life, to the beginning of the slowing/ending/dissipating part of life.

I've sought solace in relationships for a long time. Friends, lovers, family, pets; I've sought peace and balance, love and acceptance from other beings. Buddhism says that this seeking is itself a cause of suffering, and that when we cease seeking, we can find our own innate place in the universe. Only last year, after losing my certainty about my career (after I left my last job), and my dog Simon was I able to admit that I didn't know where I was going. That was really hard for me, because while I've never been one to join groups, I've always needed to identify myself with a verb of some kind: Student, Musician, Designer, Manager. I didn't know anymore what word to use to identify myself, or what words I might use in the future.

It was in this place of uncertainty, when the some of the things I clung to were no longer there, that I was able to start listening to my higher self, or the collective unconscious, or God, or whatever I choose to call it on any given day. Whatever. I could feel this connection and recognize it consciously at the same time, and I couldn't do that before. Why is this so important to me? Because life (and Buddhism) had taught me that nothing is stable, that things fall apart, and that clinging to them doesn't change a damn thing. Buddhism helped me realize that most people struggle with this, whether or not they know it. But my core, or soul, is always there no matter how much things change.

Some people I know just keep speeding up. They're the ones who have always been achievement focused, and have never really given themselves the option of just saying, "What the fuck am I doing?" and putting on the brakes for a while. If it worked before, and it's not working now, just do more of it. In these people I recognize the same aversion that I see to sitting with my mind quietly and seeing what arises, rather than trying to plan and control everything. It's funny how society brands depression as dysfunctional and those who experience it as less successful than those who just never stop. One way or another we all need a mental break sometimes. I think often depression is just our body-mind's way of letting us hibernate and germinate ourselves so we can deal with whatever just happened, or what comes next.

Others have gravitated towards ideologies, or organizations that have cult-like qualities, be they for work, self-improvement, or religion. Where the power of groupthink seems to momentarily free them from the fear of the unknown, but the anxiety that drives them is still readily apparent. This too, I feel like I've dabbled in myself. I certainly felt for a while that in Shambala, perhaps I'd found a belief system trustworthy enough to leave my critical mind at the door. That didn't work out so well.

Others have done what I was forced to do, and now am trying to sustain. Slowed down a bit. I still struggle daily with feeling as if I need to do more, be more, accomplish more. But on the other side of the equation, I can't really understand who I am and who I may become if I'm always running towards or away from something. I'm not saying I'm good at doing things slower, far from it. But between the two polarities of the drive of individual accomplishment and the pull of groupthink mentality, it's the only place that makes sense to me.

Buddhism prepared me for this place. I learned how to meditate, I learned to observe how the qualities of emotions and thoughts change when we observe them. I learned that there is no "being good at" in meditation, and that it's just as valuable when it's frustrating as when it's transcendent. I started to learn to listen and be, instead of talk and do.

It seems as if we're all finding ourselves well out of the barely post-adolescent mental state that is our twenties, and we're all trying to figure out what that means. We're losing grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts, and all the wisdom that we lose with them. We're creating new generations. We're trying to figure out what is really important to us, and what doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.

I know now that peace and contentment are way more important to me than excitement and drama. I like solitude and quiet a lot. Rather than condemning those who join religions, I believe in some form of God. I'm not so quick to judge people who believe different things than I do - spiritually or politically. I'm more interested in the creative process and less interested in showing off the results (though I think I will always be kind of a show-off). I'm more interested in healthy, strong relationships, and less interested in flattery and adulation. I know the difference now between real courage and empty bravado.

So what do you think? How are you dealing with this transition and how is it going? How have your values changed in the last few years? How are you finding meaning and fulfillment now as opposed to when you were younger? Drop me a line sometime and let me know.

A Conversation

Him: I feel really awful today
Me: Are you getting sick?
Him: No.
Me: What do you think is wrong, then?
Him: *shrugs*
Me: What are your symptoms?
Him: *describes symptoms*
Me: Why is it that you are describing the symptoms of the stomach flu, and yet you don't think you are getting sick?
Him: I'm not getting sick, I am sick.
Me: Aaaahhh! *brain explodes*

Literal man strikes again. I pointed out that he could have avoided the twenty questions if he'd let me know he was making that distinction initially, but his response was the usual, "But then I would have had to use words."

The scary thing is I am becoming an amazingly astute mind-reading, but I guess my radar was down this time. Maybe I should take up palmistry...

Addiction No.1: Photography

David and I are becoming photography junkies. This week we got a tripod, which really rocks for the long exposure photos, and a Nikon Speedlight flash, which is super cool because you can bounce the light off the ceiling and avoid casting hard shadows:

Yes, I know you saw that photo in my last post, but dude, check out the nice fuzzy soft barely-there shadow! I know! I'm a geek!

Even better, I can follow my dogs around with this huge rig of camera and get really good indoor shots with no red eye:

Doesn't he look great? Other than the put-upon expression, that is. Even Happy Buddha likes my new flash!

Cookies Are My Heroine

This recipe has been dubbed "best ever" by my husband, who gets to eat Tiff's Treats on a regular basis. I surprised him with a box of freshly baked cookies a couple weeks ago when he had to work late (I so rock).

I love cookies. I love them in an indecent and dangerous way. And warm, homemade cookies are really just the bees knees. This recipe is adapted from a Cooking Light recipe, but there's nothing light about them when I'm done with it, other than the texture which is a little airier and chewier than your average cookie. Enjoy!

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (about 5 1/2 ounces)
1 cup quick oats
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown
1/3 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1 large egg
1/2 cup chopped pecans, toasted
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips 1/2 cup white chocolate chips
1/4 cup finely shredded unsweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350°.

Combine flour and next 4 ingredients (through salt), stirring with a whisk; set aside.

Place sugars and butter in a large bowl (I use my KitchenAid mixer); beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended. Add vanilla and egg; beat until blended.

Gradually add flour mixture, beating at low speed just until combined. Stir in pecans, chips and coconut. Drop dough by tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Bake at 350° for 12 minutes or until edges of cookies are lightly browned (they usually take a couple minutes longer in my oven, make sure they're not raw in the middle). Cool on pans 2 minutes. Remove cookies from pans; cool on wire racks.

Spirituality and Chocolate

One of the things that confirmed my former distrust of religion took place when I was in the second grade. My best friend was a little girl who lived near me. She and her parents were very Christian, and my parents were very not. I didn't ask my friend about what she believed, but I knew that I, and my family, did not hold the same beliefs. My friend decided one day that she couldn't reconcile the fact that we were best friends and that I didn't believe in God. She told me that if I didn't start believing, we couldn't be friends. With infallible seven-year-old logic, I told her that that was absurd, and it would be like me telling her she had to stop believing to be my friend. This did not go over very well, and we stopped talking for a few days. Her parents subsequently convinced her that she should make up with me and stop pressuring me to have the same beliefs as her.

Until recently, I have steered very clear of discussions pertaining to religion with people who adhere to a specific church. But in the last few months, since my own spiritual awakening, I have cautiously stuck my toe back into the theological discussion pool. This is because my own experience has caused me to reframe how I interpret a lot of my past experiences, and to reconsider the judgments and assumptions I made about others' beliefs.

The first few discussions I had were very validating and open exchanges with other people whose path to spirituality had also been fairly winding and not always conventional. But more recently I've had some conversations with people who are stricter adherents to one specific religion or another, and those conversations have been frustrating and confusing.

Let me preface this by saying that I experience what many call God as a universal consciousness that, if I clear my head enough (or sometimes even if I don't), I can recognize is part of me, and that I am a very small part of it. The sense of "I" that separates me from everyone and everything else seems less substantial than it used to, and I also am capable of feeling more compassion and acceptance of myself and others than I did previously. Most religions, including Christianity, have something to say about God as the unnameable, unfathomable source of all existence. They also usually say, at some point, that God is love, and that God is accessible to everyone without any external help. So I think that the major religions have much in common, and are different culture's ways of interpreting what is a universal experience. That is why the same themes, archetypes, and stories show up in totally different regions at different points in history.

So to me, and many others, one religion does not invalidate another. Experiencing a profound sense of connection to the Virgin Mary does not mean that someone who connects to Ganesha is wrong and is worshiping a false God. It just means that the Virgin Mary is a symbol that resonates most closely with your experience of Spirit, while Ganesha is what provides that connection for someone else. Others connect to spirit through nature. Some religions don't anthropomorphize God at all, claiming that doing so may limit our ability to experience spirit.

The thing that is really giving me trouble these days is this very idea, that one path to spirituality is "better" than the next. And in this age of diversity and political correctness, it is rare that someone would come out and say that their religion is the only way. But I've had some conversations lately where that has been the not so subtle subtext.

So substitute "Chocolate" for your specific religious institution of choice, and the conversation goes something like this:

Me: I've discovered ice cream lately. Boy, is it great! I've tried several flavors, and I like home made vanilla the best so far.

Them: I was raised with Hershey's chocolate ice cream, and it makes me really happy. I don't know that much about your vanilla, but I'm sure it's fine.

Me: I don't object to chocolate, there are qualities I enjoy, but vanilla is what really works for me. I've also tried coffee and pistachio so far. I'm going to try some other flavors too, and see how I like them.

Them: But Hershy's chocolate is the original flavor, you can't really like ice cream unless you like chocolate.

Me: Actually, there were flavors before chocolate that shared similar qualities, and all ice cream is made of the same basic components, they just have different flavors.

Them: Just try some more chocolate. I'm sure you'll come to love it the way I do, and then you'll understand. All those other flavors are just poor imitations, you can't really love ice cream unless you love chocolate ice cream.

Me: Check, please.

After a while, I find myself wondering why the fact that a different flavor of ice cream (spirituality) is most appealing to me (after a lifetime of searching for one I like) should be so difficult for someone else to accept. The conclusion I tend to jump to is that the fact that I believe in something that on the surface seems different (or really just less clearly defined and dogmatic) is unsettling to them and may call into question their own beliefs. Which is weird to me, because I can't imagine telling someone that their connection to God isn't as strong, or valid, or advanced as my own. That would just be lame. I'm not questioning the validity of their relationship with God, why should they question mine?

And to get back to the chocolate metaphor, who can say what anything in this world smells, tastes, looks or feels like to another. One of my ex-boyfriends was red-green colorblind. He literally and provably saw the world differently than I did. Does that make what he saw a lie? Of course not. What I respond to and how I experience the world is not exactly the same as anyone else, and is not subject to debate. It just is. Perception by its nature can not be anything but individual and subjective.

So I guess I'm a little sad that I haven't been able to have a more constructive conversation regarding religion so far with people who are less universalist than I am. But I'm also kind of amused that in some ways, those conversations have born a striking resemblance to the one I had with my friend in the second grade. I'm just glad that her parents' take on their religion left room for people with different views, so we could still be friends.