Easter Turnips

I decided to make a rosemary garlic root vegetable roast for Easter dinner. I included turnips. Never having cooked or eaten a turnip before, I mistakenly thought they were innocuous, potato-like items. I was so wrong. The resulting dish smelled like garlic scented ASS, and was unsuitable for human or canine consumption. Several scented candles and incense sticks later, our house still smells of turnips. All the turnip jokes in Black Adder make far more sense now. Turnips are gross.

Other than the turnip debacle, Easter was very lovely, and I got some great shots of David's niece Julie hunting for Easter eggs and blowing bubbles, and of Anna and George's awesome garden. Enjoy!

Long time no blog

My days feel scattered and hard to nail down. Having a day job puts this nice delineated structure around my time, and I'm still trying to deal with the lack of it, much as I enjoy being my own boss.

I realized I wasn't taking enough time for my physical-mental health, and instituted a bit of a morning yoga stretching and meditation routine. To the left is my new Ganesha statue for my meditation altar. I looked around quite a bit to find one I liked. Ganesha is a god of success. He clears obstacles and represents wisdom and intellect. Ganesha is here to help me stay focused on my endeavors, but also to stay grounded.

I have a thing for elephants, I find them beautiful and mesmerizing. It's probably projection, but they seem very soulful and deliberate. One of the most touching things I ever saw was a baby elephant playing by itself at a zoo. It seemed so intelligent, and so much like a little kid just entertaining himself and having fun being little.

So I consider elephants to be my totem animal. I collect elephant stuff, though I'm trying to limit that collection to a reasonable one. David would not be happy if we had elephant stuff everywhere. These are some carved stone elephants. I found both these and the statue at White Crane, a store associated with a holistic medicine school. The store has some cool stuff and the prices are pretty reasonable.

Next weekend we head to Santa Barbara for our second wedding reception. We're really looking forward to seeing people, to Shaun's awesome dinner, and to dragging our camera EVERYWHERE to take pictures. Austin has some nice scenery this time of year, but Santa Barbara has a plethora of vistas. Everything is a vista. So keep an eye on my Flickr page, hopefully we'll have some good stuff up late next week.

More pictures

Starting your own business eats your brain. Just thought I'd put that out there. So, in the meantime, more pictures:


David took this one in our backyard.



We went to Mayfield Park on Saturday and took loads of pictures.


Another cool one by David.






There's a duck pond in our neighborhood.

Not such a light topic

I watched the movie Waitress last night. It's really good, great script, good cast. The story is about a young woman living in rural somewhere America with an abusive husband. She's a waitress and has a major talent for cooking, she directs all her pent up emotions into creating amazing pie recipes. It's quirky and funny, but also pretty intense as in spite of the fluffy trappings, the characters are more realistic that one would expect.

The reason I'm writing about it is because it brought up a lot of memories for me. I was in an abusive relationship in my late teens-early twenties. We were together for 4 1/2 years, living together for most of that time. My close friends and family remember that period with horror, they were terrified I would marry my boyfriend and end up more trapped than I already was. A user review I read of Waitress an iTunes panned it for having "stereotypical" characters. But the thing about stereotypes is they have some grounding in reality. And the abusive husband in this film was not portrayed just as a hulking, threatening, knuckle-dragger. He was also incredibly insecure, incapable of hearing any version of reality that made him uncomfortable - he would literally tell his wife exactly what words to say in order to make him feel better. He would beg for reassurance and induce guilt and fear to get it. When he couldn't control the world around him, he became verbally and physically abusive. This is actually much closer to the reality of abusive relationships that the way they are often portrayed in cinema and on TV.

The relationship I was in probably looked creepy from the outside, but many of my friends and family didn't recognize the warning signs, or even believe me when I first started talking about it - several years in. Abusive people can be charming, kind, generous, and friendly. They do not have "poor anger management" tattooed to their foreheads. My boyfriend was very smart and witty, kind of childlike in demeanor, and often generous to a fault with his friends. The side that very few people saw was the toddler-like screaming tantrums, the dangerous road rage, the stuff he broke in anger, the way he used fear, guilt, and shame to control and manipulate me, the fights he picked that would go on all night (often right before I had an important test or performance), the extreme jealousy, and the hitting.

People who have been in abusive relationships live with the stigma of having "allowed" these things to happen to them. As a result we often feel that others see us as weak-minded or innately damaged in some way. I still struggle with shame over having let this man, and other people treat me in a way I would never want anyone I love to be treated.

What people don't understand is that abusers are master manipulators, and they don't just use fear and anger to control others. They may also use flattery, gifts, affection, and charisma to get what they want. But underneath the adult body and vocabulary is usually a spoiled, terrified toddler who will do anything to feel safe and secure. Adult reasoning and ethics don't apply, in fact my ex was a genius when it came to using big words to rationalize very irrational and often destructive feelings and desires.

The important thing to remember if you feel trapped in a destructive relationship of any kind (it could be with a spouse or lover, friend, teacher, employer, or relative) is the abuser needs you more than you need them. Most of their energy is spent trying to convince you that it's the other way around, but it's not. They may think that they can't live without you, but you can live without them. It's important also to remember that that intense need is also somewhat addictive, especially if you have your own insecurities about being lovable or desirable. Abusers are very good at magnifying and manipulating your fears.

If you have had an abusive relationship, another important thing to be aware of is your own need to control based on insecurity and fear. It's well documented that abused children can become abusive parents. When I stopped having relationships where I was being controlled, I had to examine my own tendencies towards jealous and controlling behavior. I had to choose to deal with my fears direcly, rather than projecting them on my partner and blaming him. Having been abused does not make us incapable of being an abuser, but it does give us a greater responsibility to stop the cycle.

How do you know if a relationship is abusive? If the other person is very critical, makes you feel worthless or repulsive, if you have arguments that seem to stretch out forever, or if your partner gets angry if you spend time with other people or talk about your relationship with others, these are some major indicators. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, ask for help. Ask people you truly trust to listen to you without judgement, and talk to a counselor or therapist. You are not alone. You are not trapped. You are entitled to be treated with respect. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not someone you want in your life.

Shutterbuggy

I've become a bit of a photography nut over the last couple of months. David started it all by insisting we borrow his dad's Canon Rebel for our trip to Hawaii. Having never taken photos with anything but a point and shoot, I was intimidated. But once I got my first taste of a zoom lens, I was hooked.

I'm finding that photography is a really cool expressive art form. Photographs show others what I see when I look at the world, but they actually show me as well. I start to understand what data I take in with my eyes, and what I disregard, and this leads me to start to question others about the same thing. We all process information really differently, it turns out. Really good photos, like any other art form, illicit emotions from viewers, but those emotions and impressions can vary infinitely. Mostly, I'm just really enjoying the hell out of taking pictures and seeing how they come out.

When we got back, David got us a Nikon D300 for a wedding present. Overkill, to be sure, but this puppy takes some damn fine pictures. Below are a few of my favorites of the ones I've taken so far.


Persephone


Maxine


Manhole cover on our street


Backyard color


Jack


Winter sky and trees


Cabbage flower

A complete, ongoing set of my favorite shots is here.

Pork Fat Rules!

I heart bacon. I really do. And yet, I also attempt to eat healthy on a semi-regular basis. Until recently, I never thought it would be possible to indulge my love of pork products with conscientious eating habits. But then I discovered the beauty that is Cooking Light's online recipe search. They have tons of recipes that include judicious amounts of your favorite naughty foods, but do not contain obnoxious amounts of fat, calories, etc. Here are a few of my absolute favorites:

Pasta Carbonara Florentine - this recipe is the ultimate comfort pasta dish. Carbonara is an egg and cream based sauce (minus the cream in this case). Lots of nummy bacon, drained, with just a touch of the bacon grease reserved to sautee the onions and spinach. I use pecorino romano instead of parmesan, it has more of a bite, and I up the black pepper a bit. Heavenly.

Herbed Fish and Red Potato Chowder - I make this when David brings me back a mess of trout and redfish from his fishing trips with his brothers and dad. It's rich and tasty.

Pork Saltimbocca with Polenta - My Italian food expert friend Ryan informs me that this is a traditional Roman dish, but it usually calls for veal which I don't eat. So this is a double win for me, it's relatively easy to prep and the flavor of the prosciutto (I recommend jamon serrano - the Spanish version of prosciutto) with the sage is just wonderful.

Wasabi and Panko-crusted Pork with Gingered Soy Sauce - Panko is a Japanese breadcrumb. Used correctly, it adds a crunch more reminiscent of battered fried food than Italian breadcrumbs. This recipe is super easy, really delish, and the same techniques can be applied to the alternate meat or fish or your choice with equally good results.

Finding these and other recipes seriously makes me feel like I've won the food lottery. If you're interested in more naughty-healthy recommendations, leave me a comment or email me, I have a whole list of them, including some decadent desserts.

Apple and Ethics

Several months ago, my research team did an ethics audit comparison of Microsoft and Apple. Surprisingly, Microsoft came out overwhelmingly in the lead on most ethics and governance issues. Apple has a dismal track record on environmental concerns, seems to have little sense of global social responsibility beyond the education realm, and has been targeted for poor labor practices in China. This is distressing, as I vastly prefer their products to Microsoft's. I love the industrial design, the user interface, and just the bloody cleverness of the products and how they market them. What I do not like are first release products with giant bugs, software with giant bugs, snotty customer service, and difficulty finding documentation on known issues.

So let's add to this list: Deceptive Business Practices

This week Apple announced that you can now rent videos on iTunes. You pay for the movie, download it (this takes about two hours with DSL) and then you can watch it on the Apple device of your choice, including Apple TV, which we have. You have to watch the movie within 24 hours of starting it. So I figured it would be fun to try it out on Saturday night after dinner. After waiting two hours for the download, I spent the remaining two hours of the evening trying to get my Apple TV to recognize the file. I tried every suggestion I could find on the support site, and finally came across a document explaining how to transfer a rental to my Apple TV. Unfortunately, the interface described in the document didn't exist. So I emailed iTunes support asking where it was. I got this response:

"All the new features of Apple TV—including movie rentals—are coming soon as a free software upgrade."

Gosh, there's a really big difference between "now available" and "coming soon". So I emailed back:

"Why are there instructions on how to transfer rentals to my apple tv on your support site when it is actually not possible yet? This is misleading and unethical."

And received this response:

"Thank you for responding. I entirely agree that it is misleading, although I will dispute the "unethical" with you.

So my question is, how is a statement that is knowingly untrue not unethical? The customer service rep went on to explain that it was okay because they were releasing the software upgrade soon that would fix the problem, and other parts of the documentation were actually already accurate.

Not so much.

This is a BIG problem. Selling something under false pretenses is not cool. Ever. And saying that since some of it was accurate, it's okay that other parts were misleading does not make it better, it makes it worse.

I believe that Apple suffers from the same disease that I used to observe in the opera industry. When you worked with a talented person, say a really great conductor, if they acted abusively or sexually inappropriately, people would excuse it, saying he/she was a genius, or brilliant, as if one canceled out the other. But in the grownup world, someone can actually be brilliant and abusive, or talented and immature. Both qualities can exist in the same person, and the negative traits may in fact prohibit the person from being able to exercise the positive ones. But in the entertainment industry, people seem unable to resolve this dichotomy.

Similarly, Apple, and I think probably specifically Steve Jobs, seem to think that because they are design and interface geniuses, that they are not subject to the same basic ethical scrutiny as other companies. They are wrong, as the increasing number of lawsuits against Apple show.

Rather than expound even more on the possible effects of poor ethical practices, I will distill my advice to Steve Jobs and Apple into two words:

Grow up.

Learn to be a responsible, adult member of the world business community and adhere to commonly recognized ethical principals (and the ethical minimums dictated by those pesky law things). Stop behaving as if being smart/talented/pretty places you outside the social norms or the law. It doesn't.

Latest Addictions

Torchy's Tacos - The best tacos in town, pretty much. While it's hard to beat Taco Deli's Jess Special for breakfast taco goodness, Torcy's Dirty Sanchez may just have done it. Don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Go try it yourself.

My new camera - I have no idea what most of the buttons on this monster do, but it shure takes purty pitchers.

Terriers - I can't help it, I love my crazy dogs. You might have figured that out already. Ahem.

Steve Madden Shoes - Got two new pairs for Weddingstravaganza, and now I want MORE.

Relaxation - Well-deserved or not, I've been taking a much needed break from pretty much everything. My psyche thanks me.

Parties and Terriers

When they can't get my attention, they wail on each other in the most amusing fashion.

I've been out of commission this week, I got the stomach flu the day after my wedding reception. And while it sucked, I am so very happy that it didn't happen that weekend. All the parties were fun, and we had a great turnout at the reception. Kyla's wedding cake was amazing, and Tracy and Donald took a million pictures, a selection of which can be seen on my flickr page (click on the badge to the right). Connie made me a fabulous necklace to wear, and Tracy did my hair and makeup. All in all, it was a great weekend. My childhood friend Roxanna and her husband Nic and baby Maxine came out for the madness fun, which was really cool. My brother was also out to visit and we got to take him to Fonda San Miguel for dinner, which he'd been looking forward to since I got him the cookbook for Christmas a couple years ago.

Anyway, I've had to take it uncharacteristically easy this week, which is probably good for me, as I've been running at top speed for a few months now. Funny how your body forces you to slow down when your mind won't take the hint. Hello, three flus in three months? Blah.

I'm glad Weddingstravaganza I went well, part II will be in Santa Barbara in March, date TBA. In between I plan to write, rest, do more yoga, and have a nice, quiet celebration for my husband's birthday.

Weddingstravaganza

Mad props to my girlfriends for throwing me a fab shower. Especially the mastermind, Tracy! It was really cool, Hawaiian themed with lots of beautiful touches. The food and drink were awesome, and Kyla's Chai Cake was to die for! Thanks to all the helpers, Roxanna, Claire, Gloria, Steph, and Kyla (I hope I didn't miss anyone)! I feel very loved and blessed. And I have some hot new lingerie, so David thanks you too :)

Pictures soon!

The madness continues...

Click on the picture for the animated version.

Stop Terrierism at Home!

This message brought to you by Citizens against Terrierism.

Today's show was brought to you by the letter "V"

Life at home with two young, affectionate, completely insano terriers has been fairly eventful. Especially for our now naked couches, whose adornment was sacrificed to Persephone, Queen of The Underworld, Destroyer of Pillows.
Miss Priss, as I like to call her, seems all demure and sweet, but she is a terror when it comes to soft wares. And poor Loki doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between "Bad girl!" and "Bad boy!" This is actually pretty stressful for me, because was clear from the beginning that Loki had been badly abused, and so it becomes an issue to provide basic corrections to Persephone, because he starts to regress. I've got a call out to a trainer, but I suspect it's going to mean group classes for Persephone, and home training for Loki.

Other than all that drama, which is mostly fun drama, Weddingstravaganza I is almost here. David and I have relatives and friends coming in from all over, and have a variety of events to manage over the next week or so. I'm looking forward to it, but it's amazing how weddingy my elopment has gotten. I suspect I have only myself to blame.

What is really important is that I am very happily married to my favorite person on earth, and that is what we are celebrating. And also that I got a great dress and killer shoes.

And then there were two.

No, this isn't a dark picture of Loki. It's our new addition, Persephone. Loki has really come out of his shell in the last few weeks, and while we're really glad that he's less timid and submissive, this means that his true terrier-ness is starting to show. This has most recently taken the form of several eviscerated stuffed animals. We decided it was time for him to have a sister, as it would take a team of specialists to keep a terrier entertained all day, and I have to do things like work and go to meetings and breathe and stuff.


This photo happened after a trip to the backyard where Loki finally lost all reason and ran around Persephone in circles growling and barking. He really wanted to play, but she's still a bit unsure. She's very affectionate and sweet, and so far fairly tolerant of her hyper-competitive older brother. I expect much doggy madness to ensue over the next few days. Technically, she's on a trial period with us, but I think she's going to work out really well.

Plus, they match! For more pictures (updated regularly) visit Persephone's flickr photo collection.

Love. It.

http://www.disapprovingrabbits.com/2008/01/yogi.html

Life Lessons

I've come down with a crappy cold, it seems like just yesterday I had a similar bug. But so it goes. It's given me some time to just chill out and stop running around like a crazed weasel. The weasel-go-round has been pretty non-stop since we got back from Hawaii, and I've given myself precious little time to just be. Be married. Be peaceful. Be quiet. Already.

So I've had time to read a book that one of my friends gave me for my birthday called Eat Pray Love. This is an awesome book. If you're in any way a spiritual seeker, or if you're in any way a woman, this is a great book. It's an autobiography of a year of travel and spiritual seeking, and the author is painfully honest about her own shortcomings, her frustrations and personal pain. It's also really funny in parts, and very inspiring. So many of her obstacles remind me of my own, and of how much the universe has to teach us if we would just shut up and listen for a minute.

So that's my New Year's Resolution for this year. Shut up and listen. This book reminded me that we don't find meaning or God or connectedness through ruminating about the past or imagining the future. Those activities have their place, but the most powerful and poignant experiences are found right now. So I'm going to listen more. Listen to silence. Listen to those around me. Listen to myself. Listen to my dog.

This does not mean that I plan to cure myself of my endless diarrhea of the mouth (or of the keyboard), or that I will transform from an analytical, inquisitive person into a Zen master. I have no plans to stop being me. I'm just going to listen a little harder to the world around and inside me to determine who me really is, and maybe to help her expand a bit.

Whirlwind Tour

The holidays were nice this year, if a bit hectic. In the space of two weeks, I gave my thesis presentation, turned in our paper, got engaged, went to Hawaii, got married, hosted my parents, graduated, had a birthday and Christmas and started planning our reception.

Whew.

Any one of these events would be exciting (and possibly overwhelming) one at a time, but the confluence of events has made it challenging to keep my head. Still, I am surely thankful for all of these good things in my life, and we've gotten so many good wishes from friends and family! I am looking forward to settling into being married, graduated, and older.

Merry Holidays

What is it like trying to find a cocktail dress days before Christmas when all the over size eights are long gone? Not. Fun.

http://www.disapprovingrabbits.com/2007/12/tucker.html

The definition of courage.

http://www.dooce.com/2007/12/13/because-i-couldnt-say-it-phone

Orchids, Lava, and Waterfalls

Pretty much describes my day. We drove to Hilo on the other side of the island. It poured rain most of the way, but we braved our way though the Botanic Gardens, which came highly recommended. Armed with $2 plastic raincoats, a loaner umbrella, and bug spray, we traversed a mile or so of rainforest riddled with interesting plants and flowers. It was drippy, but fun. The pictures aren't as good as I'd have liked, we opted to leave our excellent loaner camera safe in the dry car.

Then we headed into Hilo where we took a helicoptor tour. It was a bit of a white-knuckle ride for both of us (and a bit green-faced for me) but it was really cool to be able to see bits of the active volcano - there's no foot access right now.



After some ginger-ale, we headed back towards Kona, but stopped at this amazing waterfall. Then it was back to the hotel for some much needed rest. zzzzzzz....